I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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