party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
