ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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