my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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