We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
