Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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