At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
