were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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