I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
