U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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