you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
