he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She even gives head with a lisp.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
