Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
