Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
