i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
