my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
