You're my little dorito
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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