Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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