He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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