So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
