Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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