my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
