Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
