i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
