I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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