Someone shit on the floor
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
this will be a night to untag.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
