no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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