false alarm. still invincible.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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