I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
