I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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