i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
