She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
