it was like his penis was on wheels.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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