all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
