So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
