dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
