The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
