She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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