Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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