like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
