I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
