We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
zippers are such a cool invention
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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