Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize