brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
