sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
