Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
