Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
