his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
