Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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