his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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