But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
