Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
