the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
