fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
