i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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