Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
