new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
