So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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