This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
