I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
