she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
