mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
