I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
