guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
